The Distinct Lack of Fireworks

  1. Happy Independence Day
  2. You can take your fireworks and shove them up your [BLEEP}!

Hi. Now that we’ve gotten those pleasantries out of the way, shall we continue?

I enjoy the 4th of July. In fact, I enjoy fireworks, always have. If I had it my way, I’d spend hundreds of dollars each year on those awesome explosives, and light them off with glee, every chance I had.

That said, it isn’t up to me in my household. I have a wife who doesn’t like fireworks, and dogs who are terrified of them. Thus, as a decent human being, I haven’t used fireworks of any sort in decades.

Does this suck? No, not really.

I have found that I can celebrate Independence Day (or New Years, or whatever else) just fine, without lighting off explosives, pretty and fun though they might be. You see, I have fun on these holidays just celebrating in general. For example, we go camping on the 4th of July, in the middle of nowhere, so that my pups aren’t going to be exposed to fireworks.

Sitting around a campfire, roasting weenies and marshmallows, is a hell of a lot more fun than blowing shit up.

You know who you are hurting, when you light off fireworks willy-nilly?

  • People with anxiety
  • People with PTSD
  • Dogs
  • Cats (quite often they are more sensitive than dogs, in this regard)
  • People who sleep irregular schedules

… and more. That said, it’s the 4th of July. Should you care who or what your celebrations might affect?


Is that seriously a question?

If you can’t think about the welfare of your family, friends, neighbors, and local animals who are disturbed greatly by your shenanigans, then I simply need to know one thing: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I get it, fireworks are fun. But you know what isn’t fun? Curling up in a ball, while suffering from combat-based Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, while some asshole lights off fireworks. Tending to your pets who are terrified, while some asshole lights off fireworks. Putting your house out, which caught on fire because of some asshole who was lighting off fireworks.

You get the idea?

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