So I just got back from a two week vacation, one where I had planned to do a lot of livestreaming on Twitch. The plan was to livestream myself playing a lot of horror and horror-adjacent games leading up to Halloween, but that… just didn’t happen. Oh, I did play some games, and I especially did one big stream regarding tabletop roleplaying games, but that was basically it.
In short, I failed.
Well, I’m not sure failed is the right word here. There were very good reasons why I didn’t stream as much as I had planned. I got very ill (so much so that we didn’t even give out gifts to Trick or Treaters), my voice broke, and on top of that, I had an epiphany: I was on vacation. Why should I push myself to entertain others, when I should just be focusing on relaxing and enjoying my time off?
So that was what I did. I focused on getting better, and enjoyed my time off with my sweetie and our dogs.
Now that’s not to say that I don’t enjoy livestreaming on Twitch. I do enjoy it, especially while playing a game I really love, like “Starfield”. But what I had planned for my vacation was basically jumping through hoops, and it was one of the reasons I stopped livestreaming back in 2020. I was putting in way too many hours on my weekends livestreaming, after working a full 40 hour week, because I felt like I had to. Because I owed it to the few regular viewers I had each weekend.
That sense of obligation, especially to play games that they enjoyed watching, rather than games I enjoyed playing, kinda sucked all of the fun out of livestreaming. That certainly wasn’t their fault by any means, nor is anyone’s fault but mine this time, but the result is the same. It makes me not want to stream much anymore.
To be honest, I almost miss the good old days before I was livestreaming. I used to create videos for Youtube many years ago, where I was effectively livestreaming as I played through “Lord of the Rings Online”, just providing live commentary as I played through the game. I could then record 10 to 15 minute videos, doing this quest or that, and upload them to Youtube where… no one watched them, for the most part. But I had fun with it.
I guess that’s part of my problem with Twitch, aside from my vocal issues and feeling pressured to stream, is engagement. While I enjoy talking with folks who show up in chat, I also feel compelled to talk to them while I’m playing my game, which takes me out of said game. If I’m playing something like “Balatro”, that really isn’t a problem, but when it comes to an action RPG like “Starfield”, it absolutely is an issue.
So here’s the deal. I’m going to Livestream if I feel like it, not because I have to. This isn’t my job.
